Our love is rock steady

Chris and I are on the road home after a very relaxing and enjoyable 10-year anniversary trip. We ate (too much), slept (made up for recent nights up with kids), and skied (oh how I love thee...). We were rather nervous as we donned the skies and mounted the lift. But we survived and realized it's just like riding a bike- a bike you haven't ridden in 10 years. You get really sore and can't do it for very long. But we had a blast.

I am inspired to ponder the way a relationship can develop over time. You hear about the couples who love each other more and more over the years, but you also see some of the opposite going on. I see my own marriage developing from what was once a naive but trusting love when we got married. Now our love is founded more on experience and really coming to know and love one another. Like once this trip we actually said the exact same thing at the same time. Woah! And we consider each other's feelings more carefully. And when we don't, we have gotten better (not perfect, but better) at fixing things.

And then there's the kids! They sure offer the fast track for character development. With endless opportunities for building patience and learning charity, I can pinpoint our parenthood as the core of our growth as individuals and a couple. I love them so much! Everywhere we went on this trip I thought of them and how they would have loved the adventures of skiing and hotel-staying. But then we saw a kid melting down on the slopes and I thought instead--shall I soak in the hot tub tonight or read a book? Or both?

I have to do a little "ode to my mother." She sure got to know the kids well while we've been gone (and that's based solely on the bits of info she's willingly shared-I'm sure I'll hear more soon). I never worried about the kids being well taken care of! Only about my mother getting run ragged! Thank you Mama, for the valentine making, chauffeuring, cooking, cleaning, and comforting.

One fun thing we did on the trip while driving was answer some of these questions: http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html
It opened up the conversation and led to some interesting revelations (like how else would I have found out that if Chris were an animal, he'd be a white tiger). We also did the love language quiz. That was fun. And I only had to twist his arm a little bit- he was a good sport and I think we both learned something about each other. Take it here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/.

And hey Courtney and Greg- thanks for hanging out with us the last night when we really had run out of topics to discuss...we feel like we got to know you both better. Courtney got a little too comfortable. But we love you guys and will keep our eyes peeled for homes for you in the Inland Empire. After all, Dex seems more like a warm weather animal.

BTW- the post title is a throwback to our first date- a No Doubt concert and dinner at Applebee's. And yes- our love is so rock steady. Thanks, Gwen, for putting it to music.

My future linguist and tight-rope walker

I thought I'd share a few vignettes about our family lately. I'll start with Ben. He understands just enough about certain concepts to make some wonderfully creative conclusions. Sometimes I tell them how to say things in Spanish or Russian.I'm sure they'll make fun of me for it when they grow up, but it's fun for me. Now Ben likes to explain things to me about how things are done in other languages. At the breakfast table he said, "Mom, this is how they dwink in Chinese." He carefully sipped his milk through a straw. Later, while going to the bathroom (he's a social bathroom kid) he says "Mom, this is how they pee in Spanish!" I'll spare you further detail but it was a bit different than how they pee here in America.

Ben really likes to explain the world to me beyond what happens in different languages. Today we took a little scooter ride and got to pet a neighbor's dog. After that, he said "Mom, in the spwing, chihuahuas get weally mad. And when they're weally weally mad, then they go in a egg." "Really Ben?" "Yah, and when you cwack the egg, there's a chihuahua inside." "So what makes them so mad, Ben?" "They're mad at gwass (grass)!" I have no explanation. He seemd to think it should be obvious.

Mark, our furniture scaling, head-banging, barking/hissing kid has now developed the talent of walking backwards. He thinks he's quite clever. He'll grin and point and hiss (that's his favorite sound to make) as he shuffles backward until he runs into something or gets his fill and heads forward again. But back to the hiss- at the doctors office this week he hissed at a woman. It's not like a snake hiss, it sounds more like an angry cat. I knew that he meant it as a greeting but she asked "does he have a cold?" "Yes he does," I didn't bother explaining. At church His babysitters across the aisle say hi to him when we get there by echoing his sound. They have really got it down. We sit down and he spots Chris on the stand and his hiss amps up to a downright cat-fight! Their mom (they are sisters) said they hiss at each other at home even. None of my kids have been early talkers. I'm expecting more animal sounds than human sounds from this one. Maybe I should have named him Frank after my father like we had planned! But the chicken we named Frank ended up being a rooster so just more proof that Franks will do as they please no matter what.

Blogger won't let me update pics right now. Maybe later. Happy New Year!!!

Barney Family--the Musical

I love musicals. I grew up watching Hello Dolly and Fiddler on the Roof. At 10 years old I got to dress up like a princess and attend Phantom of the Opera. I only remember Grandpa snoring through the loud, intense organ solo part. Later my Dad introduced me to Les Miserable. And now it seems like everything is being put into the form of a musical nowadays, right? From great literary works (Les Mis, and even greater works!) to historical happenings (1776), music helps us learn and remember and feel as a group. Sometimes our home becomes a little bit of a musical.

Our day: We wake up. I sing Marky a song they used to sing to us at girls camp to wake us up"Good morning to you, good morning to you. You look kind of sleepy, in fact you look creepy, is that any way to start a new day." It sounds mean, but it's got a nice tune so he thinks I'm saying nice things.

The kids get off to school and Ben helps with the chores as I tra-la-la a little motivation -- by the way, what mother wrote this song and do kids really believe it? I hope mine do! "When we're helping we're happy and we sing as we go, for we love to help Mother for we all love her so." Then my favorite part: "Tra la la la la la la, tra la la la la la!"

At lunch I sing "There are two little magic words, that will open any door with ease!

                         The first little word is "Thanks" and the other little word is "Please."

                         When you want the butter, say "Please, pass the butter,"

                         and do it with a great big happy smile!
                        And when you get the butter, say "Thanks for the butter."

                          Manners never go out of style!"

My neighbor caught Ben and I jumping on the trampoline singing "I like to move it, move it!" a few days ago.

After school I sing "We are all enlisted til the homework is o'er, happy are we, happy are we." I imagine they would sing "We don't need no education" if they knew it.

A few minutes later I sing "There is beauty all around, when there's love at home (and I might interject -- when we're not poking our sister or calling our brother doo doo breath)."

Mark will only let me rinse his hair in the tub if I sing "If all the raindrops were lemon drops and gumdrops, oh what a world it would be! I would go outside with my mouth open wide. Ah ah ahh ahh ahh ahh ah!" He still looks a little scared -- he doesn't like water on his head -- but he closes his eyes and smiles a little if I sing. Mostly he just wanders around saving the world (poor 4th kid gets his big brothers undies for a Halloween costume!).

Cousins came to visit and sang "Yo ho, yo ho a pirate's life for me."

Chris comes home from work sometimes and sings Nessun Dorma (an Italian opera piece) in the fashion of his newest favorite British singer Alfie Boe -- Nessun Dorma. It's even his new ring tone.

click here for Alfie's amazing singing.

Bedtime brings a slew of traditional tunes -- "Let us gather in a circle and kneel in family prayer"...we used to sing "I love to see the temple" every night. Sometimes Chris and I would sing it together, taking turns saying each word. It's a funny little challenge and harder than it sounds. Try it. Now the kids can do it with us.

Often and overarchingly, I sing "I need thee every hour!"

 We sang Happy birthday to Mark on this day:

 And here's Lucy singing "Walk like an egyptian"

 I hope your day is filled with song!

Marshmallows

We watched this video together as a family one Sunday evening:http://www.lds.org/media-library/video/mormon-messages?lang=eng&id=2010-09-18-continue-in-patience#2010-09-18-continue-in-patience
Lucy LOVED it! She decided we needed to do the marshmallow challenge. Why was she so excited about it? I think it's because she knew she could hang. She knew she could sit there and stare at a tantalizing treat and withstand the temptation to eat it. She knew she could win the prize of double treats after a few minutes of patience. I think she also knew it would just about kill her brothers. She was right on all accounts.

For our family home evening activity, per Lucy's request, we chopped our brownies into little pieces. Each child received one single piece. We instructed them that for every minute they could sit there and wait without eating it, they would receive another small piece of brownie, maxing out at 4 pieces.

The timer starts. Ben starts squirming immediatlely. "Can I eat it now?" He looks at us hopefully. "Not if you want more. If you wait you can have another piece!" "OK." He grins and goes back to staring at his little morsel of sugar. Lucy sits like a rock, unphased. Sam's doing OK, laughing a little at how Ben seems to be struggling.

One minute -- we pass out another piece to each kid. Ben promptly pops both pieces in his mouth, hops down from the table and skips away. He's satisfied with himself. After all, he held out a whole minute! Lucy's still doing fine. Sam's the one who's squirming now. He wants to eat it badly. "Why can't I just eat it? It's not fair!" "You can eat it, Sam. You just won't get any more!"

Two minutes -- they each get another piece and have just one more minute until they've gone the distance. Lucy's still stalwart and strong -- a hint of a smile showing as she stares down the brownie in front of her. Sam's crumbling at the challenge now. He's pleading, nearly in tears. "This is so dumb! Why did we have to do this?" With only 30 seconds to go he's about to cave.

Three minutes -- he makes it and whines as we pass the last piece, the fruits of his labor. Lucy reaps her reward and shows a content smile as she slowly eats each piece.

Try it -- watch your children's personalities come out with this little challenge in patience. Maybe they won't make the top 30% like in the video, but you'll find out a bit about their tolerance levels and at the least have a good laugh.

How did your day begin?

This is how mine began yesterday:

6:37 am (mind you -- it's a holiday and the kids have school off so I was banking on a few extra minutes in bed this morning). Lucy magically appears in front of me. I never hear her approach. She likes to be sneaky and then wake me up with various methods (patting the bed loudly until I wake up, tapping the bedside table -- she doesn't like to speak for some reason. I guess that seems too intrusive). This morning she chose the "poke on the forehead" technique to rouse me. A few pokes and I'm wide-eyed.

"Ben peed frew."

Hmm...is that enough reason to get up? He can dress himself. "OK" I say and she seems satisfies and skips out. Back to dreamland.

6:44 am. Ben doesn't concern himself with stealth as he enters out room. "Moooommy (rising voice with long vowel the kind you use when you're about to tell on someone-- not the cow sound- .)" By the way, he's wearing only undies but that means he's working on getting dressed. I'm worried he's going to wake Mark up and then I'll really have to get out of bed, but Mark's out cold. "Sam told the troof on me."

Hmm...I don't know what that means but it's pretty cute. That's worth waking my better half up to share.

"Daddy--did you hear that?" Chris -- groggily -- "Yes" he chuckles "Sam told the truth on you, huh?"

Ben feels vindicated already and runs out of the room and I'm snoring in 30 seconds.

6:54 am. Lucy ninjas up again, but has more of an agenda this time. "Mooom" (same rise in her voice as Ben earlier). "Sam thinks he's the boss of us. He -- he--he (she stutturs sometimes when she's worked up) won't let us have ceweal (cereal) unless we eat the stwawberries!"

Hmmm...well, I don't know what that means either but the baby's stirring by now and it looks like Mom's plan to sleep on the job won't work this morning. The day promises to be a good one. Here I come laundry, troof-tellers, and stwawberry haters!

Old post -- finally posted!

I've had issues adding pics so this blog has been sitting as a draft for a long long while. I wanted to add a lot more, but it would probably be March before I get everything perfect, so here it is! I'll post more soon.
New Year's at cousins house -- the kids had a ball! Ben's driving (can't you tell by the direction he's looking? There's a reason 3-yr olds don't have licenses) and Tommy is trustfully accompanying him on a rough and wild ride through the dirt and hills of the backyard.


Oh the fun that we had during our "summer-winterbreak." We enjoyed crazy warm weather (our peach tree is in full bloom -- even the trees believed spring had sprung). We enjoyed crazy amounts of family concentrated in a few days time and into a small space. The glory of the whole experience: almost everyone left wanting more (I just left that open for those who may not have admitted they were ready to flee the Barney household --cough, Courtney, cough). I loved it. I love my family and having them around made Christmas extra wonderful. Some highlights:

getting to know my newest brother and sister in law who I hadn't hung out with much before and realizing how great of choices my siblings have made in their companions. Love you Greg and Em!!!

Working out 'til someone puked - that's what we get for allowing a marine sargeant to lead the group (cough, Danny, cough). The whole thing felt strangely similar to the scene in the movie "Dan in Real Life" where the whole family is doing aerobics on the lawn during their reunion. Our workout was different -- we were doing sets of 30 push-ups and maxing out sets of dead-hang pull-ups.

Shooting rockets off.

Hiking with Bubba and Emily.

Eating See's candy -- or at least picking through the carnage of a See's candy box after many a thumb had poked in the bottom to test the flavor.

Playing the games "Things." Was it just because we were all tired or were there some really funny moments?

Happy Halloween!

Coming to you from SO-Cal it's Hannah Montana and her trusty sidekicks Sam the Vam (Pire) and Magic Mickey.

Mark spent the evening sleeping on Nellie's couch.

Here are some individual shots. I love how their poses show their personalities!

House Special #4

We have always conferred with a professional baby-namer when deciding our children's names. This year, her top suggestion was House Special #4 (I think she had just eaten Chinese). She wanted us to name Lucy either Bam-bam or Hertie Gertie. ACTUALLY, she's not so much a professional baby-namer as she is a co-worker of Chris'. But we always enjoy her creative opinion. We went another direction, though.

So what DID we name Barney Boy #3 and Barney kid #4???

Mark Henry! Isn't it lovely? He was born just a day past his due date and weighed in at 7lb 4oz. He's absolutely perfect (I think the jaundiced look gives those first weeks of baby pictures a little bit of a Hollywood "fake bake" look). He's eating, sleeping, and doing all of the other unmentionables babies love doing without any problems! I am eating him up. I always dread the new born phase and once the baby is born, I fall in love and wonder what I was so concerned about! Then again, I've had a lot of help in my mom and husband this week so ask me again next week...I might be a bit more frazzled. But now I am quite enjoying this sweet new spirit. The rest of the family loves him, too. Sam's already given him a dance lesson and Ben enjoys holding him for up to 10 seconds at a time, as long as he's sleeping.

She LOVES this boy! She begs to hold him whenever I'll let her.

The kids (with Grandma's help) made a welcome home sign for us. I loved coming home to see their shining faces and excitement for the new addition.

Chris got put in as bishop about 8 days after the baby was born.

It was quite a surprise for our family when he was extended the call, but we have already seen the Lord's hand in blessings we've received since then. We had a big family gathering for Chris and blessed the baby right after in our home.

Here's the Barney family circle.

Here's the Roundy representatives (Mom, as usual, was keeping busy swinging kids and holding babies).

No you can't sit on my head

Today the kids started school. I didn't eat for days before Sam started kindergarten. I had a moment of nostalgia a few days ago as I watched Lucy showing off her mad monkey bars skills and told her she didn't have to go to kindergarten. She didn't even look at me and nonchalantly replied, "I think I wanna twy it out." She wasn't concerned and I honestly was so ready to be done with summer that I didn't dwell on my concerns too much.

This picture captures how fierce she was feeling in her new duds (and sparkle toe shoes she calls them). She didn't want me to do her hair. She has her own style all figured out. Ben was all about the photo shoot even though preschool doesn't start for a few days.


Sammy woke up good, but he got a little too wound up and he felt like this as we left for his big first day of 2nd grade.


They both have really sweet, wonderful teachers. I feel so blessed to know they're in good hands this year. Lucy found her desk quickly and made friends with a few other little girls at the table. She was a bit miffed that one of the other girls thought she was 4 because she was shorter than her. Otherwise, I think the day went well for her.

School starting felt kinda like Christmas to me! I loved our carefree, fun-seeking summer, but I'm wearing down in this last trimester of pregnancy and being the "cruise director" got a bit tiring in the end there. As I arrived home with Ben and Ben alone, I felt like a new woman! He helped me with my chores, we played outside, and we finally made the treat he's been asking for for months since it was his turn to choose for family home evening. We have a magazine with these "charming little cakes" on the cover. It says something like "easiest baked goods ever!" next to it. Well, Sandra Lee, I beg to differ. Luckily, Ben seemed completely satisfied with the finished product.
Here's the pic from the magazine:
My version of the charming little cake. The kids still gobbled them up.

He definitely missed his siblings. Him and Sam got to be quite the wrestlers by the end of summer. I know it's in a boys nature to be physical but it's just against my nature to sit back and watch the grappling which inevitably turns to someone crying. So I didn't miss it. But when Ben suddenly asked me today "Mom, can I sit on your head?" I really wished Sam were there and I think Ben did too.

By the way -- It's a BOY! We're having a boy and have known awhile, I just haven't posted forever. Yeah for more wrestling matches, right? Actually, yeah for more Lucy-Mommy dates since she has solidified her position as princess of the family and now totally earned that extra attention. 6 weeks to go of pregnancy and then we'll get to meet our newest little nacho libre.

As an attempt to fill in summer gaps, here's a short list of what we'll remember most about this summer:

Searching for the King of the Red-Bum monkeys at the zoo (Grandpa said he was the king of the Red-Bum monkeys and that's something by boys will never forget). We only caught a glimpse, so this sign had to suffice for our proof of the existence of said red-bum monkey.

Swimming at Nellie's and getting spoiled with oodles of popsicles and rootbeer.

Lake Mead with cousins -- we survived a sudden storm with lightning and wind that drove us off the lake once it got calm enough to travel on it. Otherwise -- beautiful weather and water and lots of sunburns to prove it.

Kidnapping Daddy on National Cow Appreciation Day.

And a few sweet moments like this mixed in to remind me that what happens at home matters most.

Halfway

Summer's halfway over. We're actually really enjoying ourselves for the most part. I thought by now I'd be exhausted and done, and, well, I feel that way sometimes but I'm starting to dread getting back to the grind. Why can't I just enjoy the moment, eh?

I'm in my 3rd trimester officially. We're having a BOY in case the word hadn't otherwise reached you. 3 boys in the house. I really can't wait. Lucy has solidified her position as princess of the Barney family without equivocation. I love having an excuse to go out and do girly things "We girls have to stick together, Luc, since we'll be the only ones in the house!" Doesn't that merit a pedicure?

Something that's on my mind often lately and I think will be a reason that I find more joy in the moment happened last week. My good friend Sarah (you can review the posts -- she's been a part of my life since I've lived here) has a 16 month old son who got an e-coli infection which developed into more complicated HUS. After a life flight and surgery he is now hooked up to every tube in every spot possible while he's under every measure of sedation to hopefully right the wrongs the deadly little bacteria caused. If he recovers fully, which they say is possible, it will mean months of hospitalization for the poor little guy.

So what are my big problems? Well sometimes Ben hucks the Wii remote at Sam or Sam walks passed the socks again that I've asked him to pick up for the bobillionth time. I know, how do I manage, right? But sometimes when that stuff has happened this last week or so, I have felt this new layer of understanding that helps me see how blessed I am to have healthy, happy (mostly) kids. It makes me evaluate the things that matter most in a whole different way.And so this horrible experience has had an affect on my heart. Sarah's heart is going through faith bootcamp I'm sure. No one ever asks for that kind of challenge. I'm grateful that I've seen her strength and heard her testify of her trust in the Lord. She knows there's a plan. It doesn't relieve you from the pain of seeing your child suffer or wondering what really could happen, but it brings a measure of peace. The Lord knows each of us and helps each of us through our own challenges, whether they be great or small. He loves us all so much. And so I kindly pick up Sam's socks and give him a hug.

For those who only read my blog to see pics of the kids, I apologize. It won't upload anything right now....so more to come, hopefully sooner than later!

To Reward or Not Reward, and some weddings and mountains

In the midst of developing a rather involved summer reward/chore chart system, I ran across articles comparing rewards to dangling carrots. "You're raising a child not training a puppy," they say and they tell me the only way to really teach correct behavior is to do it through love and logic type learning. But then there's the school of thought that says reward good behavior to encourage good habits. So I'm revamping the reward system and trying to think about whether or not my "carrots" are helping them want to be good intrinsically, or relying solely on extrinsic motivation.


What are your plans for summer with kids home? How are you preparing for all that free time? I think I'm going to end up with some basic chore requirements not directly linked to fun stuff, but required to be completed to participate in fun stuff....and maybe some extra chores that they can earn money for or something like that.

While you're pondering your response, I'll entertain you with pictures from my recent trip to UT and AZ. Our "Spring Wedding Tour," as we (I) called it, included Chris' step-sister Tedi's wedding at the Salt Lake Temple and my cousin Whitney's wedding in the Mesa, AZ temple. We saw almost everyone we're both related to and got to squeeze in some wonderful family time in between events. It really made the top 3 for family trips we've done ever. We planned it with about 3 days notice and I think that worked well for us.

We spent some time as a family on the Salt Lake Temple grounds, where we were married. The kids had only seen it in pictures. They loved the vast conference center and the pictures in the visitor's center. The flowers reminded me of our spring wedding! Our poor CA kids could hardly handle the less-than-60 degree weather (it was actually more like 40 and rainy and windy!). We had our winter coats (hoodies) but I guess they have different winter gear in UT!

Ben and Grandpa Barney at Erica's house celebrating Chris' birthday.

Here's the Barney family at Tedi's wedding.

On our way from UT to AZ we drove through Zion's National Park. Holy gorgeousness!

The kids trooped up a mile long trail to a beautiful vantage point.

The kids (if you couldn't tell by now) are in this "pose for the camera" phase which means different things for Lucy than for Sam and Ben.

THE TOP!

I just realized I have no pics of Whitney's wedding. We went from 45 and freezing our pathetic California tails off in UT to 100 and sweltering in AZ and I think that just sucked all of the rest of what energy we had left out of us. Basically it was swimming, swimming, eating, wedding, swimming. So pretty much as good as it gets.

Something's different....

Is it my new hair-do?
No! This is just Lucy's new hobby. She loves doing hair, and just perfected the side-ponytail. If you ever see me in person with this special up-do, please let Lucy know how good she's getting at doing hair and don't laugh at me too much. Even if I pull it out or try to push it a little further back, she'll grab me and say "let me fix that foh you, Mom."


Here's another hint. It's a before and after picture of sorts.

That's right you clever person, you. I'm going to look like Amy in about 7 months! Oi. We had to time the passing of the maternity clothes just right. I must say though that it's not fun to see the end from the beginning, whatever I might have thought in my scripture pondering. Sometimes it's better to have to wonder how huge I'll get. But Amy looks fab, really. She's due today, by the way, and we're all betting on how long that baby can hold it's horizontal position without pushing straight out the front!

We're really excited/nervous about making the leap from 3 to 4 Barney chilluns. I expect Ben will probably rough the baby up enough before it's even out of my belly that it will be a tough little kid. Lucy's set to "make bottles, change it's diapoh (she doesn't say her r's), and hold it. So mom you bettoh eat lots of food (done) and take some naps (done and done) cuz the baby needs to sleep." I told her it's a peanut (I meant size) and the next morning she said "It's bwown! I can see it." Sam, after absorbing how this will change his life, noted that "now we need to wake up Dad at night if we're scared." Too bad he's the only kid that never wakes up. So October 7th here we come!

I also meant to post about our cool expedition down south to the Mormon Battalion church site. It's right in the Old Town area of San Diego and has recently been redone. We met Chris' bro and family down there and the kids LOVED IT! I enjoyed it too. I totally recommend going and checking it out. It's free, it's an excuse to go to beautiful San Diego, and they really put on a good show for kids of all ages (and adults) to learn what the Mormon Batallion's trek really meant for the church and for California (for more info check out mormon.org/mb). Here's what the kids loved:

The kids panned for gold and couldn't believe they actually found some (fool's gold, that is)! The sweet sister missionary let them pick two little bits from their findings to take home. They talked about how rich they would be if it were really gold.

Ben could have pumped that water spigot all day long. I suppose he'd make a good cowboy.

All of the cousins gathered at the end for this vintage photo. One of the best things about the whole tour is the sister and couple missionaries who run the place. They made sure all the kids were in it, pulling over crates and adjusting heads until we got this -- not bad from what we started with.