To Reward or Not Reward, and some weddings and mountains

In the midst of developing a rather involved summer reward/chore chart system, I ran across articles comparing rewards to dangling carrots. "You're raising a child not training a puppy," they say and they tell me the only way to really teach correct behavior is to do it through love and logic type learning. But then there's the school of thought that says reward good behavior to encourage good habits. So I'm revamping the reward system and trying to think about whether or not my "carrots" are helping them want to be good intrinsically, or relying solely on extrinsic motivation.


What are your plans for summer with kids home? How are you preparing for all that free time? I think I'm going to end up with some basic chore requirements not directly linked to fun stuff, but required to be completed to participate in fun stuff....and maybe some extra chores that they can earn money for or something like that.

While you're pondering your response, I'll entertain you with pictures from my recent trip to UT and AZ. Our "Spring Wedding Tour," as we (I) called it, included Chris' step-sister Tedi's wedding at the Salt Lake Temple and my cousin Whitney's wedding in the Mesa, AZ temple. We saw almost everyone we're both related to and got to squeeze in some wonderful family time in between events. It really made the top 3 for family trips we've done ever. We planned it with about 3 days notice and I think that worked well for us.

We spent some time as a family on the Salt Lake Temple grounds, where we were married. The kids had only seen it in pictures. They loved the vast conference center and the pictures in the visitor's center. The flowers reminded me of our spring wedding! Our poor CA kids could hardly handle the less-than-60 degree weather (it was actually more like 40 and rainy and windy!). We had our winter coats (hoodies) but I guess they have different winter gear in UT!

Ben and Grandpa Barney at Erica's house celebrating Chris' birthday.

Here's the Barney family at Tedi's wedding.

On our way from UT to AZ we drove through Zion's National Park. Holy gorgeousness!

The kids trooped up a mile long trail to a beautiful vantage point.

The kids (if you couldn't tell by now) are in this "pose for the camera" phase which means different things for Lucy than for Sam and Ben.

THE TOP!

I just realized I have no pics of Whitney's wedding. We went from 45 and freezing our pathetic California tails off in UT to 100 and sweltering in AZ and I think that just sucked all of the rest of what energy we had left out of us. Basically it was swimming, swimming, eating, wedding, swimming. So pretty much as good as it gets.

Something's different....

Is it my new hair-do?
No! This is just Lucy's new hobby. She loves doing hair, and just perfected the side-ponytail. If you ever see me in person with this special up-do, please let Lucy know how good she's getting at doing hair and don't laugh at me too much. Even if I pull it out or try to push it a little further back, she'll grab me and say "let me fix that foh you, Mom."


Here's another hint. It's a before and after picture of sorts.

That's right you clever person, you. I'm going to look like Amy in about 7 months! Oi. We had to time the passing of the maternity clothes just right. I must say though that it's not fun to see the end from the beginning, whatever I might have thought in my scripture pondering. Sometimes it's better to have to wonder how huge I'll get. But Amy looks fab, really. She's due today, by the way, and we're all betting on how long that baby can hold it's horizontal position without pushing straight out the front!

We're really excited/nervous about making the leap from 3 to 4 Barney chilluns. I expect Ben will probably rough the baby up enough before it's even out of my belly that it will be a tough little kid. Lucy's set to "make bottles, change it's diapoh (she doesn't say her r's), and hold it. So mom you bettoh eat lots of food (done) and take some naps (done and done) cuz the baby needs to sleep." I told her it's a peanut (I meant size) and the next morning she said "It's bwown! I can see it." Sam, after absorbing how this will change his life, noted that "now we need to wake up Dad at night if we're scared." Too bad he's the only kid that never wakes up. So October 7th here we come!

I also meant to post about our cool expedition down south to the Mormon Battalion church site. It's right in the Old Town area of San Diego and has recently been redone. We met Chris' bro and family down there and the kids LOVED IT! I enjoyed it too. I totally recommend going and checking it out. It's free, it's an excuse to go to beautiful San Diego, and they really put on a good show for kids of all ages (and adults) to learn what the Mormon Batallion's trek really meant for the church and for California (for more info check out mormon.org/mb). Here's what the kids loved:

The kids panned for gold and couldn't believe they actually found some (fool's gold, that is)! The sweet sister missionary let them pick two little bits from their findings to take home. They talked about how rich they would be if it were really gold.

Ben could have pumped that water spigot all day long. I suppose he'd make a good cowboy.

All of the cousins gathered at the end for this vintage photo. One of the best things about the whole tour is the sister and couple missionaries who run the place. They made sure all the kids were in it, pulling over crates and adjusting heads until we got this -- not bad from what we started with.

That's a Deal Breaker

Although our efforts to explain "tattletale" to the kids produced the phrase "Sam's tittletattling on me!", we are not deterred in teaching them these important concepts! Last night at dinner we spent some time discussing what a "deal breaker" was. I don't know if it totally sunk in but you have to admit if your 4-yr old pulls out a "that's a deal breaker!", then it's funny no matter what. I think her best example (after my stellar example of "if you want to go to a friend's house but then they get sick and throw up -- that's a deal breaker!") was "If your friend pulls out her eyeball!" Yeah, Lucy, that's definitely a deal breaker.

Sam couldn't be bothered with such tiresome linguistic lessons. His very first tooth is loose and thoughts about how best to deal with this new and dangerous upcoming event consume him. We've tried to ease his anxiety by explaining our own experiences loosing teeth-- Dad used some pliers and yanked it out after saying he just wanted to check on it. Mom tied floss around it, tied the floss to a doorknob, then slammed the door. Chris even showed him a youtube video of some kid who pulled his tooth out with a rocket (check it out -- it's a riot). Luckily he hadn't paid attention during dinner or he would have said "That's a deal breaker!" He started basketball recently and I told him a good ball to the face might help. He had already taken a few in practice and I wanted him to feel like at least the act might accomplish something good. Maybe we're going about this the wrong way. The first kid, as everyone knows, gets experimented upon mercilessly. Any suggestions on making teeth-loss a fun process? He's relieved that it's finally happening. He's one of the last in his class to loose a tooth.

Ben, well he's busy vacuuming his hair and trying to learn how to be as cool as Sam. He sleeps like a rock and cracks us up with realistic re-enactments of shark attacks and jokes like "Knock knock. I said banana!" He didn't want to go to bed one night. He propped his head on his hands and gave Chris stink eyes. Chris left. 10 minutes later we found him like this.

Chris and I are settled into the new year quite nicely. We have a fresh bag of oranges delivered every couple of days from a goodly neighbor. What more can you ask for, really?

Here's our 2011 in pictures thus far (with a little throwback to 2010 and Courtney's wedding)

I already did a half marathon this year so I'm done with my new year's resolutions early. My good high school friend Jen came down from WA to run with me. I still hold to the truth that running brings people together. I undertrained and still pushed myself, but I didn't hurl and I hit my goal time so all in all it was a good race. I think the best part was recuperating on the beach after.

Sam's the oldest Grandkid at 6. And Courtney's not even started yet. Man, my parents are in for it!

This is the infamous "angry eyes" pose that the Barney men do so well in pictures.
Our best family picture effort.

New York at Christmas

NEW YORK REPORT!
I got to tag along with Chris on a "business trip" to NY. He really only had one day of business, but we extended and stayed 5 nights. It was my first time staying in the city and his first time to really get to sight see although he's been a few times. We've been dream-planning this trip for awhile.

What we did:
EXPLORED! We saw mummies and antique furniture at the MET and saw the whole city from the top of the Empire State Building. We traveled all over the subway and loved watching the street performers and the people in general. We even saw a couple with horns -- real implanted horns! A whole bunch of people tried to convert me to judaism. I guess I looked like I needed some religion. We went to church though, and loved how it's the same everywhere. Except they say "Good morning" when each speaker gets up and greets the audience. We in California always assume it's kind of a rhetorical greeting, but it sure felt friendly. We even heard Wilson Phillips perform at a tree lighting ceremony in Bryant Park(even though I begged, they didn't sing "Hold on", so sad!). We shopped in Times Square and bartered in China town. It's kind of scary how that place actually feels (and smells!) like China. Then you step across the street to little Italy and you're surrounded my mafia speaking Italian and using the hand gestures (not the bad ones, the Italian ones).

EAT! We found a heavenly gluten free restaurant -- Risotteria (they give you GF breadsticks as you sit down to order! Chris still loves me even though he watched me enhale them like an animal!). I didn't stop eating because I could actually eat everything! The pizza, the risotto, the black and white cookie....so delicious!
I also hit the Shake Shack during Chris' meetings and never wanted to leave, but felt bad sitting too long because so many people wanted my spot! I'm still dreaming about their special sauce....Wendy's even tasted good there. All that trekking makes a girl hungry!

Walked and Ran....a lot! I LOVED jogging through central park because I got to run past all the crowds and go wherever I wanted. You can still see the city but you feel like you're protected from it somehow. And walking across brooklyn bridge at dusk is like magic! So beautiful!

There's so much to do there it's actually really exhausting! The whole city kind of sucks you in with all of its excitement and energy. But we left snow flurries to come home to 75 degree sunshine and thought....there's no place like home!

Here's the magical moment on Brooklyn Bridge. The sun broke through the clouds, warmed us up, and set the skyline on fire!
The Staten Island Ferry -- it's free and offers a great view of the Statue of Liberty.
Here she is -- that Lady of Freedom in all of her glory. This is the best shot we could get.
Times Square feels kind of like the great and spacious building in real life. At the same time you can't help but like it at the same time. My favorite moment -- a group of young adult Jewish men singing and dancing spontaneously around a giant menorah.
Here's a picture of Chris and I...I mean Chris' friend "the bull" and I in the financial district. He was riveted by all of the business going on down there. I liked the old cemetary next to the Trinity church.

Halloween and the big 3-0

First things first -- Halloween pics!

Sam was Harry Potter (we've been reading the books together). He kept saying "Wouldn't it be cool (how most of his sentences start) if I could just ride my broom and meet you at the trunk or treat?" Ben was a pirate since he can't decide yet and we had the stuff. He liked it and played the part well. Lucy was Pinkalicious this year (a book character who eats too many pink cupcakes and turns pink -- it's a cute book. You should look it up!)
We went to Sam's school's carnival. They had like a 20-foot long path that was the "Scare Zone." Sam went through five or six times. Lucy started going through more times than that and kept chickening out. She peeked her head down the alley once and said "I did it!" And ran away. She wants to be so brave (and really is brave).

We met our cousins at our trunk-or-treat. Here's Gabbi (as a pirate) and Luke (as none other than THE Michael Jackson. And he even perfected his moonwalk).

Here's Ben, Afton (as Purplicious -- the sister book) and Lucy. Ben I think wouldn't mind wearing that hat everywhere he goes, especially if it meant he could bring a sword along too! He felt a little more confident when he was armed, even if it was with flexi-soft-plastic.

So I turned the big 30. The "no spring chicken anymore" 30. The "I think she's in her thirties" 30.

Lucy asked me how old I am. "30," I said. "Foaty," she repeated. Lucy can't say her "th" sound (or her r's either). Sam couldn't at her age so it's never bothered me too much, until she just now said that I'm "foaty." That's not OK.

But being 30 isn't as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, I'm actually quite enjoying telling people my age. I feel as if I'm in a whole new club now. It's not as traditionally fun maybe as the 20's, but it has a lot of promise. I feel like I have at least accepted the fact that when it comes to life in general, I have a lot to learn. At 20 I thought I knew everything. But you know what? I guess now that I know I don't know anything, I have also learned to deal with all of the less-than-perfect stuff life throws at me a little better. So I guess I have a few more tools in my belt that will help me this decade. I am really excited for a few things in the next 10:

1) All of my kids will get baptized. And by the time I'm 40 almost all of my current children will be teenagers. Woah!

2) I'll see how long my joints will hold together as I continue my saga of running.

3) All of my siblings will be married, so I'm sure Grandma Kristi will be redefining Grandmotherhood as the numbers will most likely begin growing exponentially. It will be fun to get together and have it be absolute mayhem. Up until now, it's just been mayhem.

4) I'll probably get Ben's baby book finished sometime this decade.

5) Chris and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary. And even our 15th! That's like the hay and pewter anniversaries or something really rivetting, right? But I'm looking forward to us as we increase in wisdom and love through our thirties. I have an awesome husband to weather the storms of life with.

How did I celebrate? I ran the Las Vegas Ragnar Relay. It's a 195 mile relay where me and 11 others on my team took turns running three legs each varying in distance from 3-10 miles per leg. I came, I ran, I survived. Here are my favorite sayings I saw on the vans we competed with:

Ragnar -- what happens in Vegas, still hurts your shins.

It's a 200 mile relay, what could go wrong?

There are a lot of sayings I can't repeat. Maybe it went along with the Vegas crowd or something, but most of them were cool and creative. There was a Dexter van (some of my family might have appreciated that) and an Antoine Dodson van, a monty python themed car, a "running from the law" van where they dressed in stripes, and of course the mullets. They knew how to do a ragnar. They really ran with mullet wigs and cut-off flannel shirts! They had pasta salad in a cooler attached to the bag of their van. And they were all about the spirit of the run. They would drive ahead of the runners and write encouraging chalk messages on the sidewalk like "Mullets love you" or "You rock".

It was fun in a weird "let's run all night and hang out in a van for 30 hours" way. Our van of runners (6 total) was an awesome mix of people who didn't know each other well, and we really came together as we supported one another through the running and other challenges. We nicknamed our van the Chrysler Town and Stinky. It lived up to its name. We made good friends with some other vans, too. Chris asked an older guy in my ward (he was going out there since his daughter-in-law was competing in it) to meet me for my night run since I was scared to run in the dark alone. It was a good thing, too, because it followed a trail that was pretty isolated. He's in his 60's and I could hardly keep up with him! We finished a 5K distance in like 24 minutes. He's tough as nails! People really came together and helped make the whole thing interesting. And the scenery made my early morning sunrise run spectacular even if I'd only slept 3 hours. I loved doing the whole thing with my good friend Sarah! Even though we've known each other for years, you get to know someone in a whole different way when you're totally sleep deprived and getting ready to run at 4 am. Sarah was tough and optimistic through it all. Go Team Hang Tender Toes!!!

Here's where my last fun ended. It really was out in the middle of nowhere and it was beautiful.

Me and Sarah at teh finish line. We'd been woken up to meet our other van at the end and we were really delirious.

The team -- Angela, Barrett, Shannon, Tyler, Shannon, Joel, Angela, and Sarah (missing a few)

Here's our van -- Sarah, Eric, Angela, Me, Matt, and Nichole.

Here's Tyler -- I thought this shot looked like a sponsor pic.

Fun with Fritz

Amy's back in CA! Yeah! It's kind of our routine to do an after dinner dance party. This night Uncle Fritz (Chris' nickname) pumped up the tunes with the kids while Amy and I were cleaning up dinner dishes. We ditched the dishes once we heard all the fun we were missing.

Bubba Got Married

This is a make-up post -- this all happened a few months ago, but it's too memorable to skip over.

Bubba is my little bro. He's great and he married Emily who is at least equally as great. Don't they just look like they both made out like bandits in the deal? I love it. The whole family made it for the event making it even more memorable.

My Aunties and Mom master-minded the reception decor. Fancy, eh?

Every time there's a photographer around, I give a family picture a go. It always turns out kind of like this.

And now we're getting ready for the last of the siblings to join the ranks of the espoused. Courtney's engaged to Greg -- the date is set for December. YEAH COURTEY!
She came out to visit a few weeks ago and updated me on all things hip. I learned about Antoine Dodson, Maroon 5, and played a lot of "What NOT to wear." Courtney helped me teach my kids a lot of lessons, like when she told them "When you get to college you can eat Oreos for breakfast!" and when I told them "Look kids, this is what happens when you don't put sunscreen on at the beach!" She got fried.

The kids LOVE having Auntie Courtney here. Lucy even suggested they play beauty parlor and allowed Court to put her hair in pigtails!

We're finally in the swing of things now that it's about the first day of fall. Something about those long summer days makes me want to throw all responsibility and care to the wind, but the cool (it's only 72 right now at 2:44 pm) weather somehow grounds me again. Now we're planning Halloween costumes, looking forward to a last hurrah boating trip with cousins in a few weeks, and I'm training to run the Las Vegas Ragnar relay with my girlfriend Sarah (and 10 others as our team). It's my turning 30 "coming of age" adventure. I'm going to celebrate by spending that many hours relaying across the desert. Courtney, who can't understand my need to run, said "But you can run here for free and spend that money on a nice dress for my wedding!" A dress or exhaustion and blisters for a cause? It's an obvious choice.